Well cops like me because they can talk to me
more than they can talk to their own wives some of them
Do the cops like you?
I can say a friendly nuisance. I got in the way.
I watch all the cop shows on TV.
– Do you know…
Joseph Wambaugh , Police Story. Have you ever watched that?
Oh, I got a lot of my insights right there.
Joseph Wambaugh, Police Story, got some tremendous insights
and not just the gimmicks, the actual things, the tidbits that you would pick up from their procedures.
But the mechanics behind that, the logic behind it.
I was… I would not allow myself to walk into even a potential trap.
I would not allow myself to walk into a trap
because I knew exactly how their minds work from watching Wambaugh.
What kind of trap you talking about?
And one of those was talking about those crimes too much
initiating conversations about that.
The classic is talking too much about the crimes over interest
you have to remain casual
it would be a guess, but I’d say right now
far more than 35…
North America more than 35…
well, I’m not an expert
Well Holden, I’m not an expert and I’m not a authority.
I’m someone who has been a murderer for almost 20 years.
I’m just an extremely accomplished murderer
I was also involved in killing co-eds because my mother was associated with college work, college co-eds…
…she had a very violently outspoken position on men
and had had very strong and violently
position on men
Then comes this picture postcard groovy happy young couple on the stairs. They walk right past me
Walking up to my apartment passed a happy young couple coming down the stairs who nodded and smiled at me
As they went by ‘good evening’
Your two worlds are colliding
My murderous fantasy life, and this pretty girl, pretty name
Cameron or something
going out on a date where I’d love to be going and I’m aware of both of these realities and the
distance between those two is so dramatic, so amazing, so violent
craving, this awful raging eating
feeling inside… I could feel it consuming
I could feel it consuming my insides
It was overwhelming me.
I wasn’t impotent.
But emotionally I was impotent.
Physically I wasn’t impotent, but emotionally I was.
I knew a week before she died I was gonna kill her.
I knew a week before she died
I was gonna kill her.
She went out to a party, she got exaust,
she came home alone.
I was woken up by that. I got came out.
You know that night. I walked up to her bed…
…she’s laying reading a paperback.
There’s many thousands of nights before…
…she says: “oh, I suppose you are gonna wait up and
sit up all night to talk now.”
Can you believe that?
Now I looked at her and said: “No. It’s a good night.”
And I knew I was going to kill her, you know?
I was honest with myself for the first time.
That’s the first time in ten years, I’ve looked at it that way.
I mean, that intensely, that honestly.
Six young woman dead because of the way she raises her son
and the way her son is raised when he grows up.
And now everyone knows it was because of what she did to me.
Because the way she treated her son.
I rationalized that to give up would be insane. To give up would be crazy.
I’d be giving away my freedom, and I don’t need to.
But I look back on that and wish I had earlier
when I was saying those things to myself.
The people who were later dead wouldn’t be the regret that came later.
Would have not had to be.
Those people, not things, those people would still be with their families with their loved ones…
I know it’s silly, but mama always liked people to look up to her!